


Don't Touch the Mayo

by underground_archivist



Category: DCU, Labyrinth (1986)
Genre: Crossover, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-06
Updated: 2011-12-06
Packaged: 2020-07-30 16:03:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20099878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/underground_archivist/pseuds/underground_archivist
Summary: No one touches his mayo, not even Superman. So why does the Flash have it? And what happens when the Flash has seen a certain movie and decides to remove the evidence in a certain way.





	Don't Touch the Mayo

**Author's Note:**

> Note from banshee, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Underground](https://fanlore.org/wiki/Underground_\(Labyrinth_archive\)) and was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2019. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Underground’s collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/underground/profile).
> 
> Written for the To kick Things Off Challenge, but I kind of went over the 1000 word limit...by almost 800 words, but thats what happens when inspiration hits you like a batarang to the face.*facepalms*(I am such a nerd.)
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Batman caught the last part of Wally's rather animated conversation upon entering the mess room as he followed Superman over to the coffee machine and took the coffee cup offered to him from Clark, adding two lumps of sugar he looked back across the room and let his eyes settle on the red and yellow clad man gesturing madly in the air with his hands.

"…..the coolest thing ever! I mean she just up and said those words and poof…baby brother disappears just like that." Wally West A.K.A. The Flash snapped his fingers for emphasis, still talking animatedly to Supergirl, who of course was on the edge of her seat. It was probably a movie he had just seen. Nonsense.

Batman shook his head and made his way to the fridge and upon opening it, peeked in to find his jar of mayo not where he had put it. _Where's my mayo?_

"…Even the music was pretty great. I love the opening song, Underground. Oh man it was a great rocky kind of song with a little gospel choir mixed in. Just great. "

Batman looked over to where Wally and Kara were sitting. When Wally shifted slightly to the left his eyes narrowed and a vein began throbbing in his forehead. He squared his shoulders and began walking towards the boisterously loud male.

_Wally. I should've known._

Kara was the first to notice a shiver running down her spine and when she looked up from Wally, she caught sight of Batman coming closer with each silent step. She gulped hard at the look on his face. She looked over to Wally, and then caught sight of a small container near his tray. She gasped in horror.

_Wally, you didn't? Oh man, no wonder Bats' is ticked._

Wally finally noticed something was up when Kara's frown turned into a glare and her arms crossed over her chest. "Hey, what's wrong Kara?"

"What's wrong, Wally? You took Batman's Mayo! No one touches Batman's Mayo, not even Superman touches Batman's Mayo. Do you even understand how dead you are if he finds out about it? Especially since YOU were the one to take it? You annoy him all the time. I'm surprised he hasn't snapped and went all homicidal on you yet."

Wally laughed, throwing his hands behind his head. "I highly doubt that he's going to find out. I mean him and Supes are not due back for another hour yet, so I have plenty of time to hide the evidence, so to speak."

Kara's glare melted into a grin as she leaned over the table closer to him. "I wouldn't be too sure of yourself, because a certain someone that got back early is headed this way and he doesn't look happy at all."

Wally shot straight up in his chair. Quickly peaking a glance behind him, he gasped as all color drained from his face.

He panicked for a split second, "Oh man. What to do, what to do, what to do? WWSD…WWSD…"

Kara watched him blankly, a mix of confusion and curiosity causing her to question the speedster. "WWSD? Just what are you talking about Wally?"

Wally looked incredulously at her, making her feel like she had just forgotten something really important. "WWSD, Kara, What Would Sarah Do? Wait a minute…Aha! I got it! I'll just wish it away. Wish it away and pretend Bats is just seeing things. Yeah, yeah, that's a great idea. If I don't say so myself."

Kara rolled her eyes at him, "It was just a movie, Wally. It wasn't real. You can't just wish things away like that. It WASN'T real…"

"Oh really, well then I'll just have to prove it to ya then."

"Well, go right ahead, speedy."

"Hey, HEY, we've discussed calling me that, okay. I will not be referred to as Speedy. Speedy is cool and all, but I'm not a mouse. I'm more like a cheetah, ya know? A lean, mean, running machine. Not to mention good-looking too…"

Kara panicked when she turned and could actually make out the outline of vein throbbing in Bats' forehead as he slowly came closer and closer. "Oh god, Wally. He's getting closer! Hurry and do that wishing thing!"

He cracked his knuckles, grinning at her, until he closed his eyes and spoke, "Well here goes nothing. I wish the Goblins would come and take this Mayo away from here right now."

He opened his eyes to see the mayo still sitting there with a small piece of paper underneath it.

"What?" He grabbed the letter and ripping it open, read it using his super speed, his eyes getting wider with each word.

"**Dearest Wisher,**

**This letter is to regretfully inform YOU, the wisher in question, that all wishes are null and void until further notice, until the return of our beloved Goblin King Jareth and his new bride Queen Sarah, Champion of the Labyrinth from their honeymoon. We apologize for any inconveniences that should no doubtedly arise during this time. We hope that whatever problems do arise that they are not too serious and can be handled quickly and peacefully.**

**Again with Sincerest Apologies,**

**Braxel, King's Advisor **

**Temporary Overseer of The Labyrinth.**

**P.S. And what was so wrong with the Mayo that you just had to wish it away? If you didn't want it, you could've just thrown it in the bin and be done with it."**

**P.S.S. And I would rather not have the Goblins get ahold of Mayo again, not after the last incident. You see a rather small goblin named Garbo swallowed a whole, ENTIRE jar and went for a nap….In the greenhouse. Do you know what happens in Greenhouses? They get warm! And so a certain goblin got violently sick and guess who had to clean up that mess? ME! That's who! That's how I got this job. So please, just throw the mayo away. Don't send it here, please?**

Wally shook his head in disbelief at the letter, "I don't believe it. It's just not right."

"What happened, Wally? Where did that letter come from?"

Wally shoved the letter at her, "Here you read it. Oh and you may want to keep it as evidence after Bats' kills me, okay?"

Kara's eyes widened as they skimmed over the letter. She folded it back up neatly and placed it gently onto the table, a smile splitting her face wide. She let out a giggle, which then turned into more giggles, then she snorted, which sent her into a full on laugh-fest.

"That's it!" Wally threw up his hands and slumped over onto the table.

Batman stopped just behind Wally as Kara busted into laughter. He cocked his head and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"Wally."

He could barely make out his reply seeing as it was muffled due to his covering his face. "Not now, Bats."

"Sit up and look at me Wally."

Wally shook his head and let out a groan.

"NOW Wally!"

The young man jumped to his feet and turned to face him with his hands thrown up in surrender.

"You took my mayonnaise, Wally."

"Look, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have taken your mayo, but that poor mayo. It was in there all by itself. I mean it looked so lonely in that fridge, Bats. It was calling to me. It was telling me to take it out of that fridge and make a sandwich with it. I won't do it again, Bats. Please don't hurt me."

"Where is it?"

Wally turned and grabbed the little jar of mayonnaise and then grinned as he remembered something. _Oh, come on Wally, how could you forget something as big as that? Geez._

He turned back around and placed the jar of mayo in Batman's hand but not before popping a finger into the jar, scooping a giant glob of the white sandwich spread, which he then licked clean, "Catch me if you can, B-man. Oh and thanks for the mayo."

And with that he zoomed off in a burst of super-speed, barely making out Batman's voice as he yelled after him.

"WALLY!"

He laughed to himself.

_Seriously, who needs wishes when you're the Fastest Man in the World?_


End file.
